Today Dan and I have been married for 4 years. Which is really like 40 in kid years. Because one year of marriage with kids is pretty much equal to 10 years of marriage without kids.
Now I know all the people without kids are like WTF NO. Marriage is hard whether or not you procreate.
And yes, it is. It’s hard as hell.
But now try tearing open and stitching back up your vagina, don’t sleep for 2 years, gain 15-20 pounds, and take every last penny out of your bank account and mail it to your anesthesiolgist.
Marriage just went from hard as hell to I’m sorry what marriage? That’s just the guy I rent 3/4 of my bed to to help pay the mortgage.
I’m only kidding.
Not really. Sort of.
There are just so many more things to fight about when you’re married with kids.
When you’re married without kids you fight about who’s turn it is to do the laundry and whether or not you’re going to go to so-and-so’s dinner party.
With kids you argue about all the stuff you argued about without kids, plus things like whether or not the baby needs a diaper change, who’s going to do it, who did it the last 5076 times, how gross the poop was that one time though, and why there is no more wine.
I know this sounds like an exaggeration for the sake of a joke but I promise you it’s real. Your marriage will evolve from late night dinners and lingerie to Netflix and lots of lube. You’ll pull a booger out of your toddler’s nose and ask your spouse to hold it while you get a tissue.
You will wonder how in the hell you got here but you’ll never once doubt your decision to become somebody’s mama.
Ok, maybe once.
Married with kids does have some perks, though, like having someone to blame when your toddler says “oh fuck” at Preschool, and being able to go to bed at 830 without anyone judging you.
Also, getting to see the love you had when you first met multiply, and having someone’s hand to hold while you watch little people that you actually created experience ordinary things with extraordinary joy.
The past four years have been packed full of more excitement and fear and determination and joy than I could have ever imagined. It is literally impossible to believe that four years ago today we were kissing and dancing and getting wasted at Amigos 5 hours before our post-wedding brunch.
Tonight we’re thawing breastmilk for bottles and eating a-little-bit burnt homemade granola and falling asleep to the Bills game.
It’s not glamorous but it’s everything I ever wanted.
I love you babe!
P.S. Stop snoring.
P.P.S. Go Bills!